poacher is mauled to death and eaten by the pride of lions he was hunting

Jackrabbit · Post by **Jackrabbit** » Mon Feb 12, 2018 8:46 pm

Poacher is mauled to death and eaten by the pride of lions he was hunting.

While poaching probably isn't usually a crime punishable by a death sentence, it's hard to feel sympathy. It's not as if the lions broke into his house to attack him.

To quote the knight guarding the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: "he chose...poorly".

Or we could say he lost his head, but that's usually before doing something stupid, not a result of it. And in this case, it's backwards anyway. He lost his body. The head was still there. Maybe he was really ugly and ruined their appetite.

MattShizzle · Post by **MattShizzle** » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:21 pm

Good.

Politesse · Post by **Politesse** » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:34 pm

Suspected poacher. They found a rifle nearby and two other pairs of footprints, suggesting a poacher, but the identity of the man and his purposes aren't actually known with certainty. That they initially mistook him for one of their own staff suggests to me that this was a local individual.

MattShizzle · Post by **MattShizzle** » Mon Feb 12, 2018 10:49 pm

Well, then amend. If it was a poacher, good. If not, it's sad.

Sey · Post by **Sey** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:41 am

[quote=""MattShizzle""]Well, then amend. If it was a poacher, good. If not, it's sad.[/quote]Not for the lion....

Aupmanyav · Post by **Aupmanyav** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:09 am

A rhino was killed and its horn taken away by poachers in Kaziranga National Park.
http://www.news18.com/news/india/rhino- ... 57377.html

Jackrabbit · Post by **Jackrabbit** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:20 pm

Maybe the lions wouldn't actually eat a poacher. They probably taste bad, being rotten human beings.

dancer_rnb · Post by **dancer_rnb** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 2:02 pm

Lions eat their food raw, so he wouldn't be poached......
I'd be lion if I said I like poached eggs.......

Jobar · Post by **Jobar** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:17 pm

What an awful pun. Have you no pride?

Politesse · Post by **Politesse** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:01 pm

Leo-ff him already!

Shake · Post by **Shake** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:54 pm

Karma's a bitch.

Hermit · Post by **Hermit** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:18 pm

The alleged poacher could have saved his life had he heard of the technique used by an explorer who got away. He told me that whenever he is out exploring the wilds of Africa he carries a 50 kilogram bag of sand on his back. When chased by a pride of lions he jettisons the bag, which enables him to run faster.

MattShizzle · Post by **MattShizzle** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:43 pm

That seems unclear on the concept...

Politesse · Post by **Politesse** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:56 pm

[quote=""Hermit""]The alleged poacher could have saved his life had he heard of the technique used by an explorer who got away. He told me that whenever he is out exploring the wilds of Africa he carries a 50 kilogram bag of sand on his back. When chased by a pride of lions he jettisons the bag, which enables him to run faster.[/quote]

A more effective strategy might be to convince your fellow poachers to carry 50 kilogram bags in their satchels for this purpose, thus giving you a helpful head start.

Jackrabbit · Post by **Jackrabbit** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:23 pm

Or perhaps you could convince the lions to carry bags of sand in their satchels, though it would probably require more than 50 kilograms each.

Hermit · Post by **Hermit** » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:13 pm

[quote=""MattShizzle""]That seems unclear on the concept...[/quote]I forgot to mention that the explorer was Irish. Sorry.

Aupmanyav · Post by **Aupmanyav** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:12 am

I have seen in videos that one just have to shout loud and the lions will keep away. But one has to do it convincingly.

Politesse · Post by **Politesse** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:56 am

How to Survive a Lion Attack

The general feeling seems to be that one won't...

Hermit · Post by **Hermit** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:43 am

Here's one that should work: Whenever you are on a safari, bring a telephone booth with you. If a lion seems to get threatening, hop inside, shut the door and ring a lion tamer. Just hope that the lion tamer is not an accountant who recently decided to embark on a new career and confuses lions with hamsters.

Jackrabbit · Post by **Jackrabbit** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:24 pm

Thought of this earlier, but forgot to mention it. Paraphrase of Charlie the Tuna commercial: "Lions don't want poachers with good taste, they want poachers that taste good."

Jackrabbit · Post by **Jackrabbit** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:57 pm

[quote=""Hermit""]Here's one that should work: Whenever you are on a safari, bring a telephone booth with you. If a lion seems to get threatening, hop inside, shut the door and ring a lion tamer. Just hope that the lion tamer is not an accountant who recently decided to embark on a new career and confuses lions with hamsters.[/quote]
Well, you could always summon a hamster tamer. He might be equally confused.

MattShizzle · Post by **MattShizzle** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:22 pm

If you're by yourself and a lion decides it wants to eat you you're pretty much fucked.

Hermit · Post by **Hermit** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:03 pm

[quote=""MattShizzle""]If you're by yourself and a lion decides it wants to eat you you're pretty much fucked.[/quote]unless your name is Daniel.

MattShizzle · Post by **MattShizzle** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:07 pm

[quote=""Hermit""]

MattShizzle;683718 wrote:If you're by yourself and a lion decides it wants to eat you you're pretty much fucked.

unless your name is Daniel.

[/QUOTE]

And you're in a fictional story.

Hermit · Post by **Hermit** » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:27 pm

[quote=""MattShizzle""]

Hermit;683725 wrote:
MattShizzle;683718 wrote:If you're by yourself and a lion decides it wants to eat you you're pretty much fucked.
unless your name is Daniel.

And you're in a fictional story.[/QUOTE]
Not at all. I read about it in the Bible, I'll have you know!

Furthermore, the above is photographic proof!