[quote=""justme""]I almost lost me mind a while ago and fell down on my knees and asked God to take all of this craziness with my daughter away and felt the Holy Spirit come over me like a wave of warmth, I haven't felt since my body came off the alcohol some 40 years ago.
I had tried to live in both worlds as a fraud and I can no longer do that. I have come here to profess being an unapologetic Christian, but one that has no intention of evangelizing those who don't wish to here the word of God. [/quote]
I am curious about a few things. You say on the one hand that you asked “God” to “take all the craziness” with your daughter away and then felt the “Holy Spirit” and that you are now an “unapologetic
Christian.”
Two questions spring to mind:
- Why Christian?
- Did this god in fact “take all the craziness” with your daughter away?
I ask 1 because as you noted you had been living a “fraud” among us, presumably meaning that you were either pretending to be an atheist or thought you were an atheist until this moment of desperate outreach to the heavens. But the fact that you immediately translated everything into Christian terminology would tend to betray that you never deprogrammed on any level to begin with.
Which is fine, but that leads us to 2. From what you wrote here and elsewhere of late, it would appear that you have been under tremendous stress for many different reasons, but in particular for suppressing your true identity; not just from us here, of course and in regard to your religious beliefs, but in the world in general and with your family in regard to much deeper identity issues, which in itself is, as you know, an extremely stressful situation that has been weighing on you most likely your entire life. That’s a LOT of stress as a constant and it’s all centered around suppressing your true identity.
Now let’s break down what happened in regard to 1. You spoke in your mind’s voice within your skull (or you may have actually forced breath through your larynx and spoke out loud) your ask, not of an unspecified magical being or even a general concept of a god, but specifically the “Christian” version of such a being and that ask was specific (to take all the craziness with your daughter away).
Iow, you freed a part of your suppressed identity—i.e., the part that says, “I am a Christian”—that you had been repressing along with the other parts of your identity for whatever reason.
Then what happened? Did this being answer your ask? No. The “craziness” with your daughter is still there. Instead what happened was a dopamine release from the stress of pretending you aren’t a Christian being released and that relief of stress—tied to a deeper issue of true identity—washed over you, which you, being a Christian interpreted as the “Holy Spirit” bathing you in warmth. A warming sensation, btw, that naturally accompanies any such intense stress relief/dopamine release. Just voicing something that has long been repressed causes the exact same reaction; no gods needed.
Why am I pointing this out? Because, you did not just reach out to the universe for the solution to a serious problem. You have been under extreme stress because of a serious problem that backed you into a corner (or “foxhole”

and out of desperation to solve an insolvable problem fell back on cult programming. The relief from that suppressed programming being released was then misinterpreted by you into cult terminology and doing what it was intended to do; ignore your actual problem, but still feel good (dopamine release).
So, while plebian is correct in that part of the issue with having stress and “problems” to begin with is how we feel about them, this kind of stress release doesn’t actually address your problem; far from it in fact. It addresses your strong, programmed desire to
deny the problem and simply supplant those feelings with the drug of cultism (the opiate of the masses). Because part of the problem—central no less—is that it is not easily resolved. In your mind, it requires magic, because only magic—and therefore only a magical being—could possibly take away the craziness.
Which is false. You can take away the craziness, you just don’t know how to go about it. It feels overwhelming. And cults like Christianity know this and deliberately give you a way out
but it never actually solves any problems. You don’t have to do anything but ask the magical being and you can trigger a dopamine release so that you are literally drugging yourself rather than addressing the actual problem.
What would you say to someone who wrote, “The only way to deal with my problems is to ignore them and shoot up heroin to make me feel good about ignoring them”? You’d (hopefully) be appalled by such a proposition, but that is effectively exactly what you are doing, only dopamine is far more potent than heroin.
Again, you asked and it did not take the craziness with your daughter away; by your own words all “it” did was flood your body with a warm feeling. And you are mistaking your OWN stress relief mechanisms as evidence of a belief you already had programmed into you. If not, then you would have said something very different, like, “I shouted out to the universe and just voicing my worries helped and I felt better.” It’s the exact same sequence of events only no programmed cult terminology.
If that still isn’t clear then ask yourself why you didn’t say something like, “I asked Mithras to take the craziness with my daughter away and suddenly he filled me with his light and I am now an unapologetic Pagan” or “I asked Allah and I am now an unapologetic Muslim”?
ETA: Believe it or not, I’m not saying any of this to challenge your Christianity; I’m saying it because you still have a problem to solve only instead of doing so, you’re in serious danger of just becoming a drug addict again, only the drug is Christianity and your own dopamine.