How did your family react when you told them that you were an atheist?

Goodchild · Post by **Goodchild** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:51 am

I never came right out and said to any family member other than my children that I am an atheist. It just kind of became very obvious with things I said during family conversations and things I post on facebook (the main way our family keeps up with each other lol). My mothers response has been to basically say nothing whatsoever about it but I'm sure she prays like the dickens all the time that I'll "see the light". But a few things said here and there make it clear she's aware of it and holds her tongue out of respect ... so I grant the same and don't harangue her about her silly beliefs. I do post things poking fun at religion on facebook, however. She can comment on them if she wishes.

tbh, I think her religion is more Republican than Christian nowadays anyway. Last year I got her to flatly admit that it didn't matter what example Jesus set, the Republican position was the correct one in her opinion even though it was opposed to Jesus' example.

CincyJim · Post by **CincyJim** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:52 am

My Dad said "Well thank God for that!"

LOL!

Très bon!

Serena · Post by **Serena** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 7:44 am

I never said I was atheist, but it was implied by the way I argued against God. I got the typical 'sounds like arrogance' and 'we'll pray for you' kind of mumbo-jumbo of denial. Now it's more accepted and the topic is usually avoided.

Cath B · Post by **Cath B** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 8:21 am

Before my parents married they came across a copy of a child's Catechism left lying around somewhere. My mother, a non-believer, said she thought it was quite wrong for a child to be indoctrinated thus but my father, who likes ceremony and had a soft spot for Catholicism, disagreed.

Yet ironically it was our mother who insisted that we attended a Baptist Sunday School.

Her reasons, I think, were threefold:-

She had enjoyed attending the same Sunday School as a child and teenager, though she refused to be baptised, and thought that we should enjoy what she enjoyed.
We lived next door to the Baptist Chapel and were generally on friendly terms with the minister and his wife. Indeed, they had been there in my mother's childhood.
My deeply religious maternal grandmother lived with us and would have been upset if we hadn't attended.

My mother's sense of obligation to others did not extend as far as attending church herself!

In time we all rebelled and, as I was the youngest, my mother, having been through it all before, capitulated with minimal resistance. Also my parents' relationship with the chapel had become slightly frosty because of a boundary dispute.

I came out as an atheist at nine and since only my father had any remaining vestiges of belief (my grandmother had died by this time) this was a non-event at home, though I attended Sunday School, where I did not raise the issue, for another two years.

School was a different matter.

I told a fellow pupil that I did not believe in God to be met with a look of astoundment. Word passed round in loud whispers:- "Catherine doesn't believe in GOD!" and I was something of a social pariah until the children got bored with thinking about it.

This was memorable for the sensation of being fully apart from mainstream opinion. I was embarrassed, but didn't regret my honesty.

Dofgnid · Post by **Dofgnid** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:19 pm

[quote=""Barefoot Bree""]I stopped going to church in my mid-teens; just told them I wasn't interested. They were always liberal enough to want us to make up our own minds, I guess, so they let me stay home.[/quote]My dad surrendered to the idea that I wasn't going to church any more when I was about 17. I was problematic for about a year before that for my reluctance to get up and get ready for church on Sunday mornings. I will say that he did everything short of beating me before that.

willynilly · Post by **willynilly** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:09 pm

I told both my brothers two years ago when I was sure I was done with god who didn't care. I finally told my father this Christmas. He didn't care all that much either. We were not raised in church and my parents never talked about religion growing up. My dad said he believed in something but not sure what that is. My mother has never read the bible or attended church but is a rabid Conservative. She acts like a fundamental Christian in many ways and views atheist as a great destroyer of America (cause Glen Beck says so). If I tell her she would never speak to me again. There are days I really want to but I don't want my son to pay for it. It's easy to lie to her and pretend with her so I just keep doing it.

neilstone40 · Post by **neilstone40** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:33 pm

Erm, probably not that great is the answer...

At age 13 or so my folks knew I had doubts but, as we all know, the best way to address doubts is by forcing you to worship more, arranging countless 'interventions' by various people in the church, restrict all your all other freedoms (such as attending non-religious activities, socialising with people outside the church, etc). I swung between belief and doubt for a couple of years.

A few months before my 16th birthday, I had defied them by deciding not to attend yet another bible study/indoctrination session that they had arranged for me. I had told the 'youth leader' that I no longer believed (although interestingly it took a few years before I was comfortable referring to myself as an atheist)

That night I returned home to find the locks changed. Cue 18 months of sleeping on couches, living rough, staying in homeless hostels. I even, rather ironically stayed with an evangelical group that was 'sponsored' by my parent's church although it didn't last long as having some wild eyed zealot waking you up in the middle of the night to "share a totally amazing thing Jesus just told me" gets old real quick..

I eventually 'returned home' for a short while although that was partially negotiated by a third party and also because my father's mental health was deteriorating and my mother was struggling to manage his increasingly erratic behaviour. It was too uncomfortable for a number of reasons and I left.

My parents never referred to me as an atheist, my mother still referring to me as 'a backslider' when her friends ask. She's confident I'll find my way back into the fold at some point but I don't have the inclination or energy to even correct her...she's entitled to her religious belief and just as entitled to delude herself believing I'm regain my faith.

Neither of us particularly discusses it anymore although there are occasional fall-outs when she tries to indoctrinate my kids.

Cath B · Post by **Cath B** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:18 pm

^ ^ ^

A tough situation to deal with as a teenager neil.

neilstone40 · Post by **neilstone40** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:41 pm

[quote=""Cath B""]^ ^ ^

A tough situation to deal with as a teenager neil.[/quote]

Yep, wasn't much fun although it's now something for me to learn from. I hope it will make me a more insightful parent and hopefully even a better person. The only tragic outcome would be if I didn't learn anything or pull some positives out of the experience.

As much as belief can unite people, it can also pull families and communities apart.

If this forum helps someone realise shared experiences or get support from others then to me it's progress in my book.

Roo St. Gallus · Post by **Roo St. Gallus** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:08 pm

There was never really a 'moment' when this was discussed, it just sort of came about as a known circumstance. My situation was a mixed household with agnostic and anti-theist father who demanded that his sons be provided with choice on whether to attend religious gatherings of any kind. My mother was raised in the Brethren (a denomination much like the Mennonites, I understand) and had a relatively uneducated view of Christianity. She liked the 'social aspect' (what a friend referred to as "coffee and donut do-gooders") and thus fell in with the Methodists. My parents divorced when I was 14, and since my mother was institutionalized (chronic clinical depression) and my father moved out of the house, I was on my own in my own home during my teen years. That's when, with motivation via my mother's associations and the Boy Scout troop I was in, I attended youth group meetings at the local Methodist church, where I could meet girls (I attended a public all-boys high school). At the youth group, I quickly became the in-house agnostic, read the entire Bible, and confirmed my atheism. Of course, I took up hanging out with the deacon's son and he corrupted me even further, introducing keggers, carnal knowledge and cannabis. After a couple of years, I drifted away...college was demanding and had plenty of women.

At some point, on one of my mother's forays back home, we talked about it and it saddened her...but she wasn't surprised, as, to her, I took after my father.

ApostateAbe · Post by **ApostateAbe** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 6:10 pm

My parents decided to stop funding my college education. They thought that I was involved in the wrong group (campus atheist/agnostic club).

sohy · Post by **sohy** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 9:06 pm

[quote=""ApostateAbe""]My parents decided to stop funding my college education. They thought that I was involved in the wrong group (campus atheist/agnostic club).[/quote]

Oh, I almost forgot. My parents did the same thing.

My father insisted that as long as we lived in his house, we would attend church. I have wondered if the reason I got married so young the first time was partly to escape church.

My mother gave me and my sister permission to attend a different Baptist Church. It was fun for awhile because I enjoyed arguing in the Sunday School class. I think the other students enjoyed it too, as they weren't used to anyone ever questioning things. After several months of that, I grew tired of the new church, so we'd stop by, pick up a copy of the church program, than sit in a park and talk until it was time to go home. Of course, we would put the church program out where we were sure my mother would see it. I don't think she ever caught on.

Rie · Post by **Rie** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 9:38 pm

My family were used to turning a blind eye as regards my lifestyle. I just never bothered letting them know about not believing in the Bleeding Sacred Heart.

Here Rests A Cemetery · Post by **Here Rests A Cemetery** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:11 pm

I deconverted my mother. Whoo.

But then she started attending church again. I've never gone with her.

rog · Post by **rog** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:41 pm

[quote=""ApostateAbe""]My parents decided to stop funding my college education. They thought that I was involved in the wrong group (campus atheist/agnostic club).[/quote]

Just ouch

How are you getting on with them now?

Pandora · Post by **Pandora** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:52 pm

[quote=""neilstone40""]That night I returned home to find the locks changed.[/quote]

((((neilstone)))) That's awful! I'm sorry you had to go through such horrible times.

mira · Post by **mira** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:53 pm

Most of my siblings are atheist, my parents keep ''forgetting'' this. That is their reaction denial.

Supernaut · Post by **Supernaut** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 5:39 am

I realized I was an atheist about a year ago.....went and had lunch with my mom. I told her how I was feeling with regard to religion. She basically said...wow doesn't sound like it's working out for you then...and basically said meh..she didn't care at all.

eta: dad died years back...never knew him...so I only had one parent to tell

mira · Post by **mira** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:29 pm

[quote=""Supernaut""]I realized I was an atheist about a year ago.....went and had lunch with my mom. I told her how I was feeling with regard to religion. She basically said...wow doesn't sound like it's working out for you then...and basically said meh..she didn't care at all.

eta: dad died years back...never knew him...so I only had one parent to tell[/quote]

Did you believe in god before that or had you just not given it much thought?

Worldtraveller · Post by **Worldtraveller** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:53 pm

I never had any kind of discussion with either of my parents (or step-parents). I've worn my 'Friendly Neighborhood Atheist' shirts around them, though. My mom has, thankfully, drifted away from Catholicism after my step dad died, and my dad's never been a church goer. I think he has some vaguely xian ideas about things, but could never be bothered to give up his sunday mornings. (We did a lot of fishing, sailing, and flying on weekends.)

I think the most religious soaked of my family is my older brother, he never was very bright....

Supernaut · Post by **Supernaut** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:28 am

[quote=""mira""]

Supernaut;329221 wrote:I realized I was an atheist about a year ago.....went and had lunch with my mom. I told her how I was feeling with regard to religion. She basically said...wow doesn't sound like it's working out for you then...and basically said meh..she didn't care at all.

eta: dad died years back...never knew him...so I only had one parent to tell

Did you believe in god before that or had you just not given it much thought?[/QUOTE]

I was a strong believer.....though not strong enough to continue forgoing reality for myth.

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:33 am

I had several years of pure hell. My marriage ended, my life was uprooted. But Ive rebuilt. Now everyone is just convinced I'm a believer. I don't try to stop them. I don't have that battle in me any more.

BioBeing · Post by **BioBeing** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:42 pm

Ouch. Sorry, Beth.

Lulu · Post by **Lulu** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:44 pm

[quote=""BioBeing""]Ouch. Sorry, Beth.[/quote]

I am so sorry that happened to you.

Jobar · Post by **Jobar** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:24 pm

Beth, I remember when you first came to II, nine years ago- To all atheists who used to be Christian.

I posted this in that thread:

Hi Blondegoddess. I have a sister named Beth.

I'm in the 'Atheists' Testimony' thread, towards the end of page 2 IIRC. So I won't repeat all that. I became an unbeliever at 15, after being raised in the Southern Baptist faith; now I'm 47, so I've been an atheist for more than two thirds of my life.

Leaving behind your religious beliefs requires you to rebuild your world, inside and out.

On the inside, you have been taught from an early age that there is this thing called a 'soul' that is the *real you*. Your soul is the most important thing about you; it is worth more than your physical body, or your intellect. That soul is eternal, and will wind up either in Heaven or Hell; eternal agony, or eternal bliss, and the choices you make on Earth determine which you get.

We tell you that there is no soul. It's only an ancient attempt to explain the mind. The 'I' you experience as your self is a function of your brain and body. That self is not eternal, and will stop when your body stops at death. You will become as you were before you were born.

On the outside, the church you are a part of considers your status as a Christian to be the single most important thing about you, far and away. You are one of the elect; you have been 'washed in the blood' (disgusting concept!); you are one of the "good guys".

We tell you that your church is a sham, a fake, a lie which perpetuates itself over lifetimes. It is purely a method of social control, and all the priests and preachers and mullahs and witch doctors are in it for the easy hours and the soft work, the respect they can claim and the power and wealth they can garner. We tell you that religion is the evil which wears the mask of good.

Losing your religion is a metamorphosis- your appearance doesn't change, but the way the world appears to you changes. Radically.

Since I was quite young when I saw through the myths, it was easier for me, I think. The older you get, and the more dedicated to your religion you become, the more difficult it is.

Internet Infidels is a good place for people undergoing this metamorphosis, whatever age they are. Yes, there are good people here, and lots of us will do whatever we can to help you see how much more vast, vivid, and beautiful the universe is when not filtered through delusions of Gods. It can be like taking off a suit of heavy armor you did not realize you were wearing; yes, the sharpness of the world can cause you more pain, but the joys are sharper too!